Wrong but funny.

[deadserious]

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one
point.  The question was, ?where do women mostly have curly hair??
Apparently, the correct answer was Africa.
 
One of the other questions was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It
appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.
 
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod
after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
 
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been
banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.
 
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly
through school zones.
 
A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said "Her brother's got a mustache."
 
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook.
I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!"
Next thing I know 4,000 f....g Muslims have added me as a friend!!
 
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the
lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.   
 
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the
floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

[clover]

I had just come out of the store with two porterhouse steaks, a jumbo
sausage, a bag of chips, and a 6-pack of beer. A homeless man sat there
and said, "I haven't eaten for two days." I told him, "I wish I had your
frickin will power."

Top tip: if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the
next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with
her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex. Wish
me luck.....I appear in court next Monday.

A fat girl served me food in McDonald's at lunch time. She said, 'sorry
about the wait.' I said, 'don't worry, you're bound to lose it
eventually.'

I was behind a rather large woman at the checkout. She had on a pair of
jeans that said, 'Guess.' I said, "I don't know........maybe 350
pounds."

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches
tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance with a face like that!"

Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day kept the doctor away.'
But since many doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich
works best.

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in cells. Apparently Blacks and Mexicans were not the
correct answer.


Both suffering from severe depression, my wife and I decided to commit suicide yesterday...
Strangely enough after she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better and thought, f**k it!
I'll try to make a go of it ...


A young Arab asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun."

"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.

"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.

The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."

"So tell me then," added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are you living in Michigan and still wearing all this shit?"




 

[rykat]

 

[clover]

But the truth hurts

[ordep2]

The Muslims are not happy!
They're not happy in  Gaza .
They're not happy in Egypt .
They're not happy in  Libya .
They're not happy in Morocco .
They're not happy in Iran .
They're not happy in Iraq .
They're not happy in Yemen .
They're not happy in  Afghanistan .
They're not happy in  Pakistan .
They're not happy in  Syria .
They're not happy in  Lebanon .
 
So, where are they happy?
They're happy in Canada .
They're happy in  Australia .
They're happy in  England .
They're happy in France .
They're happy in  Italy .
They're happy in  Germany .
They're happy in  Sweden .
They're happy in the USA .
They're happy in  Norway .
They're happy in every country that is not Muslim.
 
 And who do they blame?
Not Islam.
Not their leadership.
Not themselves.
THEY BLAME THE COUNTRIES THEY ARE HAPPY IN!
AND THEY WANT TO CHANGE THEM TO BE LIKE THE COUNTRY THEY CAME FROM . . .  WHERE THEY WERE UNHAPPY.
Excuse me, but . . .
How dumb can you get?

[clover]

I think I found something you can sign up for.  ONLY 63 CENTS A DAY!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spnnd4D7BKo

[ordep2]

BUD LITE

A Mexican, a Black, and a Cajun were walking together on a beach when
the Black stumbled over a bottle in the sand. He picked up the bottle,
rubbed the sand off it, and a Genie appeared.

"I can only grant three wishes," the Genie said. "Since there are three of
you, you may have a wish apiece."

Pointing at the Black, he said, "Since you found the bottle, you may have
the first wish."

The Black studied for a moment then said, "I wish for a fleet of ships so
that I can gather all my people and take them back to our homeland, Africa.

"Poof! It was done! Hundreds of ships appeared on the skyline.

The Mexican said, "I weesh for enough Cheby peekups to take all my people
back to our homeland, May-he-co!"

Poof! It was done! Row after row of Chevrolet Pickups appeared on the beach.

Turning to the Cajun, the Genie asked, "And what is your wish?"

The Cajun watched as the loaded pickups began moving toward the border,
then looked out to sea and watched the loaded ships sailing out into the
sunset and said:

"Give me a Bud Light. It just doesn't get any better than this!"
 
 

 

[clover]

Where you from cracker?  Alabama?