Breaking news

Man blames Hughes for carnal indiscretion

63 year old Reginald Thomas from San Pedro Nth, was arrested for the solicitation of a prostitute outside Big Daddy’s Nightclub on March 25th. In court he gave an impassioned plea. “I have never done this before your honor. I am recently widowed and haven’t been getting a lot. I’ve I tried downloading porn but it’s so expensive with Hughes, I can’t ever get off before they cut me off”.

When asked how the company can continually justify their exorbitant rates and poor service, the spokesman replied “have you ever ridden the Island ferry”?

In other police news; John Stevens 26 of the Escalante division received a 30 day suspended sentence for assault on Lilly king a tourist from Tacoma, Washington. On a second charge; possession of a can of Pepsi he whacked her over the head with; he was given eight years.

Island Perks, the popular expat coffee shop, closed its doors for the last time Wednesday.

In their honor, Pedro’s Inn gave them a 10 bell count on; no one was available for comment.

In other Pedro’s inn news; the new $5 rooms will be available June 1st. These are on a first come basis; just go in the bar after 5 and ring the bell for immediate service.

For an extra $2 you can also get serviced in your room by Walter.